You mention a variety of things that play a role, all coinciding with the change in hormone levels that comes with menopause, which you'll reach in a few more months (the milestone is one year without menstruation).
The Vagifem that's been prescribed for you should be having some positive effect with vaginal dryness; it should not interfere with orgasm. Vagifem is a very, very low dose of estrogen, delivered directly to the vagina and surrounding tissues. This is partial compensation for the estrogen delivered through the whole body when ovaries are intact and functioning.
SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, a type of antidepressant), which you mention taking, can be a barrier to orgasm. If you've taken them for a while and only recently have had issues, it could be that the combination of the SSRIs and the lower hormone levels of menopause is now problematic. There is limited evidence that Viagra can help women on SSRIs experience orgasm. It's not just estrogen that declines with menopause: Testosterone also declines. You might talk to your health care provider about testosterone therapy; among my patients, many who trial testosterone note sexual benefits, usually describing more sexual thoughts, more receptivity (a patient recently told me she's "more easily coerced"!), and more accessible orgasms.
You also said that vibrator use has become ineffective for orgasm. Among midlife women, I find that the specific vibrator really counts. There is a definite range of vibration intensity, and as our bodies change, that can make all the difference. Lelo has just doubled the "motor strength" of two of their already powerful (and MiddlesexMD favorites) vibrators for the Gigi2 and Liv2.
Best of luck! My work with women every day says it's worth exploring your options. (And, to take the pressure off, remember that intimacy without orgasm is still intimacy!)
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