When Size Matters

A recent report in The Journal of Sexual Medicine caught my eye. “Vibrators and Other Sex Toys Are Commonly Recommended to Patients, but Does Size Matter? Dimensions of Commonly Sold Products” is the title. First, I was happy to see that the authors are furthering the discussion about health care providers telling patients about “vibrators and other sex toys” (and, full disclosure, my article in OBG Management is footnoted as among the voices encouraging physicians to consider what they offer women through their practices).

Beyond that encouragement, the researchers compiled dimensions of vibrators and dildos, noting that not every source provides accurate or complete information. The conclusions they reached were that while the size of products varied, the dimensions, overall, “approximated mean penile dimensions.” They further suggested that further familiarity with the product category among clinicians, which is never a bad idea.

Since I’ve been recommending vibrators to women (and men) for some time, I’ve got some practical observations to share, for both patients and clinicians.

First, don’t do anything that hurts. Really.

The corollary to that is that you get to decide what hurts and what feels good. There are no “shoulds.” That’s true even if someone has a chart of dimensions and predictions.

I find that women like vibrators that can be inserted into the vagina for three reasons:

• They like the feeling of fullness (and for them a dildo is also effective)
• They like direct stimulation of the G-spot (which, as we’ve said before, has a mystique all its own)
• While they don’t specifically think of the G-spot, they like the internal stimulation

Their favorite toys are as varied as the women themselves, and dimensions are only one part of that equation. Materials, pulse patterns, and vibration strength also count. Sexual partners and history can have an influence, as can progression of menopause, which can mean narrowing and shortening of the vagina. Over time, women may want a shorter, narrower vibrator, quite possibly with a stronger motor for more intense sensations.

But, again: Using a vibrator should feel good. If a vibrator is too large to comfortably insert, don’t insert it—or wait until you’re more fully aroused before you try again. And regardless of “insertable length,” don’t feel like there’s anyone but you who decides how deep to go.

And if insertion doesn’t sound good or feel good, remember there are a number of vibrators designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is where the nerve endings are concentrated that 70 percent of us need for orgasm.

So if your health care provider is still studying up, don’t be discouraged. Women have more than 100 years of experience using their own judgment with vibrators and pleasure, and you can do the same.