It’s March 1: Do you know where your New Year’s resolution is? You may be thinking, “It’s here, somewhere.”
I have a guess about where it is—collecting dust in a corner, where you left it when you “failed.” I’ve left a few there, myself.
Making a resolution is a positive step that makes it more likely we’ll change a behavior. But when we don’t follow through in the way we envisioned, that resolution becomes something that makes us feel worse about ourselves. When we don’t meet whatever goal we’ve set—whether it’s doing Kegels every day, ramping up a moisturizer habit, or setting aside time for intimacy—the easiest thing to do is give up altogether. “I don’t know why I even bother to make a resolution,” you might say. “I never keep them.”
I’d like to suggest that that’s a story you tell yourself. And the great thing about stories is that you can change them. In fact, research shows that telling yourself a different story has a lasting effect on performance. The researcher had students who thought of themselves as “bad at school” do a story editing exercise that included the idea “everyone fails at first.” Those students went on to get better grades and were more likely to stay in college.
So if you’re telling yourself that old story about your lack of self-discipline or your complete inability to follow through, stop. Retire that old story. Get yourself a new one. Tell yourself you’re learning how to integrate that new thing into your life, and learning takes time. Congratulate yourself on the effort. Look to the past for a time when you did follow through and change something about yourself or your life, and draw inspiration from it.
Then dust off that resolution—yes now!—and try again. Haven’t you heard? March is the new New Year.