Ouch! That's a description I hear more often than you think. You're not alone. Other women also describe the sensation as sandpaper, cutting, burning, or ripping.
When a woman describes that sensation, it's usually caused by vaginal atrophy, or more likely vestibulodynia/vulvodynia. A careful exam is needed to determine exactly what's happening; proper treatment can make sex comfortable again.
It's likely that vaginal estrogen is necessary to make those tissues healthier; that alone may solve the issue. If that doesn’t completely resolve the pain, treatment options for vestibulodynia/vulvodynia should be explored.
The good news is that there is nearly always successful treatment! You can regain the intimacy you're missing in your relationship.
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten.
9 comments
Margie, I’m so sorry you’re having this experience and are without solid medical resources. What you’re experiencing is due to the loss of hormones, especially estrogen, which is normal through the menopause transition and happens suddenly with a hysterectomy. This entire site is really for you… you might start with “The Recipe” at the top of the page and work your way through the information. Vaginal moisturizers are a place to start, to begin to rebuild tissue health. Lubricants, used liberally, can also be helpful. I also encourage you to seek out medical resources. There may be a Planned Parenthood or comparable women’s health clinic near you that could offer services on a sliding scale. A exam, personalized diagnosis, and prescription medications (localized hormones or one of several non-hormone treatments recently made available) may be needed to restore your sexual health.
I described the feeling as sandpaper dipped in kerosene but razor blades is a good analogy too. Hubs and I don’t have intimacy because of it and sometimes it can be the elephant in the room. Then after so long the desire is completely gone. I have no more desire for sex than I do to swim the English Channel. Having had a hysterectomy 15 years ago hasn’t helped either (with no HRT).
I just went through this recently…. yikes…. why don’t dr.s tell us about this and how we can help it NOT to happen in the first place ??? Arggg….
Sure wish I had found your site sooner…. I am telling many of my friends who are NOT having sex with their husbands because of this…. (the BIG secret ) :(