People often make jokes about snoring (the word itself is kind of funny), but if you’re losing sleep because your partner is a loud snorer, you know it’s anything but humorous. Not only are you fatigued the next day, but that often leads to feelings of resentment, which is hard on the relationship, especially over time.
There are lots of remedies available for snoring, but if none of them work, what do you do? Or what if you can’t agree on the temperature of the bedroom or the depth of the blankets—you’re hot and your partner is cold? You work different schedules or your internal clocks put you to sleep or wake you up at different times?
A lot of women at this stage of life choose to move into a different bedroom, especially if the kids are gone. And while that may be a good solution for a good night’s sleep, what does it do for their sex lives?
There’s nothing more intimate than sleeping together. But if you can’t just roll over and initiate sex, will it still happen?
The answer is, yes. But it might require a little more work. You may have to become more conscious about having sex, and that can be a good thing. It might mean you cuddle up while you’re watching a sexy movie on TV. Or move your partner’s hand somewhere intimate while you’re sitting together on the couch.
Indeed, not sleeping together may actually rekindle some of the passion and make sex more exciting. It might also keep you from taking it for granted. Because it’s true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. If your partner isn’t so readily available anymore, it might actually make you want intimacy more often.
So not sleeping together does have its benefits (including the fact that you’ll feel a lot better once you start getting a good night’s sleep!)
The important thing is to keep the fires burning one way or another. Don’t allow not sleeping together to become an issue or get in the way of having a healthy sex life. Instead, use it to your advantage. Talk about it with your partner and communicate your true feelings: It’s not about him; it’s about getting a good night’s sleep. And if your relationship is good, things might even improve in that area.
If you’ve had experience with this situation, let us know what’s worked for you so we can share it with others!
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten. Read more about and from her here.