Q: Am I stuck with an unfulfilling sex life?

No!  It’s great that you recognize the value of remaining sexually active, despite your decreasing libido.

As we get older, we have to learn some new techniques to continue to enjoy sex. You can use the MiddlesexMD website to have a discussion with your husband:  Take him to the site.  It will help him understand what you're experiencing, and that it's not "about him."  Review together the bonding behaviors and alternatives to intercourse.

You may find a role for erotica, like DVDs or books. Just this week a woman told me that she keeps a book of erotica nearby. It works really well for her to read from it in anticipation of sex (although her husband isn’t aware she has it for this purpose).

If you're comfortable with the idea, incorporating a vibrator may help; after menopause we do require more stimulation for arousal and orgasm. Healthy relationships require intimacy -- it's worth the effort.

Dr. Barb DePree MD
Dr. Barb DePree MD


1 Response


July 06, 2015

It’s easy to have a singularly satisfying sex life (sort of) using books and a vibrator alone. I still find it hard to communicate about sex with my husband. I don’t have the words to explain what works for me and how he could learn to do the things that work for me. Creating intimacy is helpful, no matter what the outcome, though.

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