Q: What’s the best lubricant for sex after menopause?

I know people hate it when this is the answer, but genuinely: It depends. The best lubricant for you may not be the best lubricant for someone else and vice versa, and you should feel absolutely no pressure to like something that you’re just not warming up to.

I talk to women in my practice, and I watch the sales through the shop here at MiddlesexMD. I know how many variables there are for women, and that some of them are unexpected. The first thing women in my office do is feel the lubricant between their fingers. Next, they take a sniff. We may talk about whether they have sensitivities or allergies to any ingredients or whether they prefer all-natural products. The things they can’t test—easily—in my office are how long-lasting a lubricant might be or how it might taste, which may be important to you or your partner.

Given all the variations, though, both in products and preferences, I’ve seen women gravitate toward silicone lubricants (like Uberlube and Pink Silicone) as best in midlife, because those tend to last longer. That’s important if you’re producing less lubrication yourself.

At the other end of the ingredient spectrum are water-based lubricants (like Pink Water and Almost Naked), which may need to be reapplied during intimacy—and it’s a matter of personal preference as to whether that’s a feature or a bug. Water-based lubricants tend to come in a wider range of viscosity, which can change the application experience (and mess potential). Some are quite liquid, and others range into cream- or gel-like consistencies.

Hybrid lubricants, for the record, have the benefits of water-based with a touch of silicone for staying power. Our research team has found fewer products in this category recently, but we’re quite fond of the one brand we carry; it’s been a customer favorite for a number of years.

Regardless of the type you use, your best lubricant will be the one that matches your sensitivities (which is why we list SkinSAFE ratings, when they’re available, for each product) and then your very own personal preferences. If you’re tempted to say, “I tried a lubricant, and I didn’t like it,” I’d like to encourage you to try a different type or a different brand. Because the very best lubricant for a midlife woman is the one they’ll reach for and use!