What is it about that first, unblemished day of a new year? The first white page of a journal? The hush that follows merrymaking; the pause before the quotidian rushes in again?
I’ve always loved that moment of held breath after one year ends and before the next begins. For me, it’s a day (or, more realistically, an hour) of reflection when I remember, take stock and my own measure, of what the year has brought, and how I’ve responded to it.
Resolutions, however? Not so good.
Turns out, there’s a bit of art and science to resolution-making—a few principles that increase our odds of success. In the spirit of helping us all out to a solid start, let’s explore ways to make our resolutions stick. (Success is always affirming.)
And secondly, instead of resolutions focused on self-improvement, let’s explore resolutions that focus on relationship-improvement.
Far be it from me to diminish the value of losing weight (#1 on the list of New Year’s resolutions for 2015) or of “staying fit and healthy” (#5), but I would suggest that, in addition to these worthy goals, you get a lot of bang for the buck when you work on your sex life. According to relationship consultant Dr. Sheryl Kingsberg, a good sexual relationship adds significant value to a relationship (15-20 percent), whereas a poor one actually drains a relationship significantly and negatively (50-70 percent).
Since only 8 percent of the people who make resolutions actually achieve them, let’s look at ways to beat those dismal odds.
Even with something that’s supposed to be light-hearted, like improving your sex life, you should realistically assess what is likely to work for both you and your partner. Maybe planning a romantic evening at home would work better than a night out. If your partner isn’t entirely on board, maybe you’ll work on your own sexual health and subtly introduce changes
Don’t give in. Get up and start again. That’s the very essence of discipline—keeping on.
Next January 1, when you reflect on the year just passed, I hope you can derive some quiet pleasure in having moved the intimacy needle a bit and generally banked some points in your sexual wellbeing account.