I always enjoy hearing from visitors to our blog, and recently one sent me a poem she’d written, which I’m sharing (with her permission).
What else do you lose,
After I said
The clitorati shrinks.
Hair. It thins
Or makes a career move
To your upper lip.
The plump walls of your vajayjay
—oh, and everything else down there—
Contract and dry up.
By, like, eighty percent.
What you lose in volume,
You gain in bladder infections.
So, you know.
Desire takes a swan dive
Off the cliff
While you’re not even looking.
Your waistline vanishes.
(Although my sister says
It might be hiding under your breasts,
Which have retired and moved south.)
Forget about creaming your jeans.
Remember those days?
Memory goes, too.
You suddenly become invisible.
Unless, according to research,
you’re an orca.
Which, you know,
All those years
Of little deaths
Knocking you off your feet,
Washing over you,
Pulling you under,
Tossing you back
Onto the sparkling sand
Is there anything it doesn’t take?
(Not that I’m bitter.)
The poem is both funny and true (even the part about 80 percent). During menopause, there are a lot of things we lose. But that doesn’t mean we have to just give up. My whole reason for starting MiddlesexMD was to provide information and offer products that help women enjoy sex after menopause.
Your hair may thin, but the cause isn’t always menopause. Talk to your doctor. There may be something you can do about it.
You can improve the suppleness of all your urogenital tissues with things like localized estrogen cream (talk to your doctor), vaginal moisturizers, and lubricants. Do your kegels!
What about desire? It depends—but there’s a lot you can try, including testosterone therapy, increasing intimacy in your relationship (which is different from but related to having intercourse), and increasing the mindshare that you devote to sex.
Maybe orgasms aren’t effortless any more, but they can still be very good. Try these tips.
With a little work, you can still have an amazing sex life!
(Oh, and if you wonder what orcas are doing in the poem, read this.)
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten. Read more about and from her here.