I’ve got much to catch up on, study up on, and share with you from my trip to the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) annual meeting a couple of weeks ago. It was a whirlwind of great talks, and such a marvelous time to catch up with colleagues who are doing wonderful work.
One of my all-time favorite people, Dr. Susan Kellogg-Spadt, who’s been a medical advisor here at MiddlesexMD, spoke at the conference! She was fantastic, of course.
She’s a nationally recognized expert in pelvic and vulvar pain and the Director of Female Medicine at the Bryn Mawr office of Academic Urology at the Center for Pelvic Medicine, in Rosemont, Pennsylvania. She treats patients throughout the United States as a vulvar specialist, sexual dysfunction clinician and therapist.
At her NAMS talk, Susan talked specifically about the sexual needs of menopausal women, and in some detail. We gain so much from having her in our field! But without further, um… gushing? Here are Susan’s top clinical pearls for our sexual health and happiness:
Add moisture daily. If we use a water-based, bioadhesive lubricant several times a week, regardless of sexual frequency, we can get a lot more comfort and satisfaction with sex and just make it easier to have an orgasm whenever we want to.
Nourish yourself. A Mediterranean diet has been shown to promote sexual function, (and, we just learned, perhaps lower breast cancer risk). And regular exercise improves mood and overall health, both of which contribute to better sex.
Talk it out. When we use “I” language to talk with our partners about sex honestly and in a non-accusatory way, we increase the chances of sexual success. Your NAMS doctor or therapist can help provide the vocabulary and communication tips.
Prioritize pleasure. Don’t wait for intimate time to just happen. Even a 20-minute block of time, scheduled weekly, for touching and intimate conversation can clear the way to better sex. Putting it on your checklist may seem like a cold thing to do, but trust us, it gets hotter with practice.
Mindfulness matters. Reading or watching even the softest erotica, being mindful of erotic thoughts as they occur, and focusing on sensation rather than distractions during arousal are all important. All mindfulness training can contribute to your ability to stay in the moment during your most intimate moments.
Intensity, baby. After menopause, many women need more intense stimulation to reach orgasm. Consider introducing vibrators into sex play. The term, “Doctor’s orders!” can be very useful here. You have our permission to use it.
Do try. Just opening up and talking about sex problems, and finding what can still be sexual successes, shows that a woman is committed to her partner, and taking action shows her level of care and concern for the relationship. Mutual affection, honest attempts at exploring what is possible, comfortable, what still feels good, does amazing things for a relationship.
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten.