“Are Those What I Think They Are?”

I’m a gynecologist. I talk about sex and body parts all day long, and I have for 25 years.

I guess I take a certain amount of openness for granted. I see intimacy as a cherished part of relationships, and sexuality as a natural part of overall health. So I’m a little surprised more people aren’t talking about both!

That the conversations aren’t happening was apparent last week, when I spent a few days in the exhibit hall at a major conference for nurse practitioners. Every time I turned around, another woman (mostly, but also some men) was saying, I’m so glad you’re here! I get questions all the time, and I don’t know where to go for information or where to send women for resources.

At our MiddlesexMD exhibit, we had a cross section of our products on display, and found plenty of curiosity about some of them. Kegel tools probably led in prompting conversations, with vaginal dilators following. One woman nurse practitioner brought her husband by to show him, up close and personal, the first vibrators he’d ever seen.

There were a few gasps and a little blushing, but once our conversations got underway, I’m hopeful that these health care providers began to see our “toys” in a different light. Because yes, there are symptoms anyone in perimenopause or menopause can recognize: vaginal dryness and less sensation. And yes, many of us see intimacy as a part of our relationships that we’d hate to lose. And most definitely yes, there are things we can do—products we can use—that help us to compensate for changes and maintain (and even regain) our sexual health.

So, to the woman who came to our exhibit saying, “Are those what I think they are,” the answer is yes. And no.

Beyond being “sex toys,” these products are also tools for increasing blood circulation, strengthening muscles, and nourishing tissues. By keeping sex not only possible but satisfying, they’re reducing stress, improving cardiac health, combating pain and depression, and burning calories. If we think about them in that light—practically as medical devices—perhaps we’ll be more open-minded about adding to our repertoire.

There was plenty that was encouraging, even energizing, about my conversations last week. There are thousands of nurse practitioners—and other health care professionals—who are willing and prepared to talk. Every woman can help by initiating the conversation when they have concerns about intimacy or their sexual health.

You don’t have to talk about sex every day, as I do. Just don’t be shy when it matters.