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A Little Conversation About Mindfulness

by Dr. Barb DePree MD

Since launching MiddlesexMD, I have to say, my dinners have gotten a lot more spicy.

You know how it is when dining with buddies. It’s polite—required—for them to ask what you’ve been up to lately.

When I tell them about MiddlesexMD, you would think it might stop the conversation cold, but I’ve found just the opposite is true.

Older couple drinking wine on kitchen floorMy friends do want to talk about this. It’s not surprising when men are there that they are a bit more quiet, but they are engaged, too. We all appreciate our partners’ attention to these discussions—because we’re not always alone with these changes. They affect our sexual partners, of course.

I had dinner the other night with an old friend. The subject of our conversation turned to the idea of how important it is, especially for long-partnered people, to keep their sexuality top-of-mind if they want to keep their sex life going. I talked about how older women, particularly, need extra stimuli (both physical and emotional) as they get older.

We need more opportunities to think about sex, consider it, fantasize about it, and more emotional intimacy throughout the day to find or sustain the mood.  Sex is like any pursuit, if you want to get better at it, it requires your attention. Some call this "work" Awareness or Mindfulness. And I think this dimension of a relationship is valuable enough to “do the work.” (Smile.)

It was a simple conversation. I didn’t think it had any sort of profound effect at the time. But I ran into that friend a few weeks later. She pulled me aside, and whispered, “Hey Barb! Thinking about sex more? It WORKS.”

I wasn’t surprised, if it works for me, it should for you too!

Gee, I love my job.


  • Reka says it well!

    Betsy on

  • So true, Barb. Robert and I found that by scheduling our “love dates” days ahead of time, planning for them, anticipating them, we were already making love before we came together. The mind is, after all, our most powerful sex organ.

    Joan Price

    Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty

    Join us — we’re talking about ageless sexuality at

    Joan Price on

  • In addition to active thought and good talk about sex and sexuality with a partner, I find that the older I become, the more important it is for my identity as a woman to seek an heightened awareness of my own sexuality, my power as a sexual being, apart from my husband. To me, sexuality = feeling strong and attractive and powerful and desirable, period. It’s important to feel like that with my man, but it’s also important to me to … FEEL that way for me. It impacts how I approach my life, my work, my activities. And if I’ve “got it going on,” it enhances my sexual relationship with my husband, too.

    Reka on

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