Sex and Your Hysterectomy: Getting Sexy Back

Recently, we’ve been discussing the reasons to have (or not to have) a hysterectomy and the various surgical options—all very important information to have before you decide to have the procedure.

Now let’s talk about what happens after the surgery. Specifically, what might happen to your sex life.

Usually, your doctor will tell you to wait about four to six weeks before having sex, depending on the type of procedure you had. You might want to clarify with your doctor exactly what he or she means by “sex.” Usually, that means vaginal penetration. So ask if oral sex is okay. How about using a vibrator or a hand?

When you’re ready for intercourse, you’ll want to start gently—lots of lube and gentle penetration. If the cervix was removed, it may take time for the top of the vagina (the “vaginal cuff”) to heal. Penetration may feel differently for a while. (Here’s a good metaphor for the process.)   

Sometimes, emotional healing has to happen as well. After all, hysterectomy is the surgical end to childbearing. For some, depending on the reason for the hysterectomy, this is a relief; for others, it’s a significant and sometimes difficult transition. If you are overwhelmed by emotion or even depression, give yourself some time and space to heal. You may also need to seek out a listening ear or professional counselor to regain balance.

If your ovaries were removed, and you haven’t yet gone through menopause, or even if you’re in perimenopause, be prepared for the possibility of significant emotional and physical change. With the removal of your ovaries, hormone production suddenly stops, and you’re now in surgically induced menopause. This requires some preparation ahead of time and some patience and therapy after the procedure.

The good news is that, for most women, sex tends to be unchanged and is sometimes better. The parts necessary for orgasm are still intact, and the issues that may have caused the trouble in the first place (pain or bleeding) are gone. “Most women tell me that there is no change in the way they feel orgasm, and they are able to enjoy sex more since they don't have their original problem to interfere with sex,” writes Dr. Paul Indman.

This opinion is supported by several studies confirming that, for most women, sex is the same or better after a hysterectomy. In a small study of 104 women, researchers determined that the best predictor of the quality of sex after a hysterectomy was the quality of sex before the procedure.

Despite the research, some women say that sex just isn’t the same. They report weaker orgasms and less sensation, loss of libido, and difficulty with arousal. Therapies can help—hormone replacement, localized estrogen, lubes and moisturizers—but they can’t replace nature.

Furthermore, although the vast majority of women recover well, a hysterectomy is still a surgical procedure with all the attendant risks and uncertainties. Unexpected outcomes happen—nerves may be damaged; prolapse or fistula may occur. The long-term effect of removing significant abdominal organs is still poorly understood.

With that in mind, some tips for approaching this, or any, surgery might be:

• Try the most conservative treatments first. Fibroids, heavy bleeding, endometriosis can be treated with less invasive methods. Start there. A hysterectomy isn’t the first line of defense.
• Opt for the most conservative surgery. If a hysterectomy is the best choice, make sure you understand your options. The least invasive surgical options (vaginal or laparoscopic) simply have better outcomes. If there’s no good reason to remove your ovaries, ask about keeping them.
• Do your homework and line up your resources. Make sure you and your partner understand what’s happening and be prepared for a time of adjustment afterward.

Several years ago, an acquaintance had a total hysterectomy that included the removal of her ovaries. She was post-menopausal at the time, but sex was still very important to her and her husband. She was worried about the effect her hysterectomy would have on their sex life and discussed it with her doctor.

Recently she told me that there had indeed been a period of transition after her hysterectomy, but that over time, she had regained her former sensation, including the deep, pleasurable orgasms she had been accustomed to.

“I don’t know how it happened,” she told me. “I just worked from the memory of what sex had been before my surgery and focused on regaining that. And I did.”

Everyone’s experience is unique. It’s impossible to predict with utter certainty how an individual will respond to any surgical procedure. With a good medical team, good information, and a supportive partner, you’ve tilted the odds strongly in your favor.