Q: How do I prepare for wanting more than a long passionate kiss?

You say you haven’t been sexually active for more than 20 years, because of your own surgery, your husband’s impotence, and then being widowed. I’m touched to hear you’ve reconnected with a high school friend and hope the relationship develops exactly as it should!

Based on your history, it is likely intercourse wouldn’t be possible without some work in advance “getting things ready.” With menopause, it’s normal to expect vaginal dryness and some atrophy, which means the tissues shrink and become less elastic.

Vaginal dilators

The products that would be necessary are vaginal moisturizers, which restore some moisture to the vagina and then dilators, the use of which gently stretches the tissues. Most women successfully regain sexual function with consistent use of dilators. 

A pelvic exam with your provider may be helpful as well to make sure there aren’t any other factors to consider.

Enjoy this new relationship, wherever it leads!

Dr. Barb DePree MD
Dr. Barb DePree MD


1 Response


July 20, 2020

You seem to be suggesting that regular intercourse would forestall the problem, in spite of the normal vaginal dryness and atrophy with menopause. Maybe there’s no easy answer because these issues vary with individuals?

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