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Q: Is it me? Or is it him?

Q: Is it me? Or is it him?

by Dr. Barb DePree MD

You say you’re in a new relationship and having difficulty with penetration. You’re wondering if dilators would help. 

It’s possible that dilators may help. We usually think of dilators being helpful to perimenopausal and especially menopausal women with progressive loss of vaginal capacity. Or if there is truly a “mismatch” in size of your partner vs your vagina, then using the dilators may help as well. 

If there is discomfort for you, then a careful exam may be helpful to determine if it is gentle stretching required (to increase what we call “patency”), or if there is some spasm of pelvic floor muscles (vaginismus) or a condition like vulvodynia.

Since you don’t describe any discomfort, I’m not sure any of these is part of the issue. Could the issue be with your partner in maintaining an erection to allow for penetration? If you can insert the larger dilators without resistance or discomfort, that might help you understand what’s at issue.


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