Re-engaging in intimacy is a bit different for each individual, just as everyone’s first experience of intercourse is unique. Some of the “preparation” can depend on the partner, the scenario, the amount of foreplay, and so on, so it’s a bit tough to know exactly when “you are ready.” I hope you can move into this slowly and gently to determine your readiness as you move forward.
An exam by your provider can tell a great deal. How comfortable was your last pelvic exam with speculum placement? I tell women that when I do a pelvic exam and place two fingertips into the vagina comfortably, it is quite likely they will be comfortable with intercourse. Because there are variations in male size and female elasticity, that may not always be 100 percent accurate.
You say you’re taking vaginal estrogen, and that should be very helpful to your tissue health. This is a time using an intravaginal vibrator (like the Celesse) may be helpful. Can you insert and use these without discomfort? Having a good lubricant is very important as well. Most menopausal women benefit from a silicone or hybrid lubricant (and this article describes the variety of lubes and how you might select and use one). Some women need to use vaginal dilators to do some stretching of the vagina in advance of intercourse.
I’m so glad to hear you have found someone special to share intimacy!
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten.