If you don’t already have that perfect gift for your significant other, don’t despair. There are other ways to show your love. The most important thing is to be thoughtful about choosing the way that you show it. Try to set aside the traditional idea of Valentine’s Day. When you wipe away all those images of roses, chocolate, and candlelight, what’s left? You and your beloved, alone for an evening.
You may think you know where I’m headed with this, but not so fast! Take a few minutes to consider what you know about your partner. You might be familiar with the concept of emotional love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Keep your partner’s love language in mind as you plan the evening.
Also think about what your partner enjoys. A recipe that you don’t normally make because it’s too much work (or you don’t like it yourself)? Make it for him. Ice fishing? Go with him (pack hot drinks and hand warmers!). A certain junk food? Buy it, put a big red bow on it—and let him enjoy it, guilt free. Whatever it is, give it with love.
If you want to take your gift to the next level (nope, not yet), look to your shared history. What did you enjoy doing together when you were first dating or right after you got married? Maybe you can find a way to revisit that interest. It could be as simple as putting together a play list of music that was popular when you were first together and dancing to it.
And yes, of course you can think of all of this as leading to intimacy. Valentine’s Day is a great time to be intentional about working on foreplay, which many of us need more at midlife, whether or not it was important to us before. You could be sensual with a scented massage oil or playful with something like poetry magnets (check out our Mood category for additional options). Remember the lubricant to be sure you’re comfortable, and consider its frivolous possibilities, too. Maybe you just don’t have the energy for any of this.
Maybe you and your partner have been “running on empty” for a while. If that’s the case, then try spending the evening asking each other these 36 questions, which can result in falling in love, according to one study. (And it seems to have worked for this woman.) Can it work for falling in love again? I don’t know, but what have you got to lose?
Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for the past ten.