Q: Can I regain my sexuality 12 years after a hysterectomy?

The pain that you describe sounds like vulvovaginal atrophy, and possibly vulvodynia (vestibulodynia). These conditions can both be treated, but need the attention of a physician for an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan. Estriol and progesterone, which you say you're trying, aren't likely to be of great benefit to you, but localized estradiol is likely to help.

It's sad at any age to put this important aspect of a marriage aside. And, because, unfortunately, the longer it goes on, the worse these conditions get, I'd recommend a visit to your physician sooner than later. If you're unsure of your physician's ability to adequately manage this part of your health, find a Certified Menopausal Provider in your area.

In the meantime, make sure you are using a good lubricant; a silicone lube like Pink is probably going to be most effective for this condition. It's also important to use a vaginal moisturizer like Emerita.

I'm sure you feel discouraged. Know that I have had patients who have regained the sex lives they wanted! They've felt it was worth the effort. Good luck!