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New Friends, New Resources

by Dr. Barb DePree

A wonderful and unexpected benefit of starting MiddlesexMD has been meeting other women and men who are like-minded, who see the value in—have a passion for—supporting sexuality throughout our lives. As we’ve gone to conferences and association events, I’ve been able to talk to doctors, nurse practitioners, and therapists who are eager to spread the word and join forces.

I’ve talked before about how the mind is as important for women as the body; that’s what makes the Basson model of female sexual response so helpful for my conversations with patients. Our need to address the emotional as well as physical aspects of sexuality made one of our encounters especially fortuitous: We met Mary Jo Rapini, a Texas-based psychotherapist who specializes in intimacy, sex, and relationships.

As a psychotherapist, Mary Jo can help us to round out the resources we offer you—so we’re thrilled that she’s offered her expertise to MiddlesexMD! Mary Jo has a private practice, but also publishes and speaks in a variety of places; you’ll learn more over the next several months. Plus we’ll interview her from time to time on topics of particular interest to us as midlife women.

To give you an idea of what’s in store, here is an excerpt from Mary Jo’s recent post, “Women Need Time to Get Their Sexy On,” in YourTango (read the whole article online):

“Body image is so highly correlated with women’s sexuality that in a recent study reported in the Journal of Sex Research, Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch PhD discovered that body image was one of the top reasons women don’t want to have sex. Men may have difficulty understanding this because many of them tell their wives every day how beautiful she looks only to realize their wife still doesn’t want to have sex. The husbands may not understand that although their intentions are good, their wife doesn’t derive her body image by what he says. It may help and reassure his wife, but more helpful is if she believes that she is beautiful and desirable. In other words, if she beats herself up, or is critical in regards to her looks when she compares herself to others no matter what her husband tells her, it falls on deaf ears.”

Yes! Precisely. I hear evidence of this same issue. And remember our discussions of erotica? How it’s different for us than for men? Mary Jo goes on to talk about the same issues:

“Women need different stimuli to turn them on than men. We don’t get excited when we see a naked man. In fact, most women prefer a man with shorts on to a man in the buff…. Your sex text may not do it for us, but if we catch a glance at your jaw while you are drinking from a water fountain in the right lighting, we may feel a sexual impulse. Women don’t talk to you about this, because we know you won’t understand. Women are also somewhat reticent about telling you what turns them on, because it is so different than what turns men on, or what media believes should turn them on.”

You can see why I’m glad to have Mary Jo’s perspective and expertise with us for our exploration. Watch the blog and our Facebook page for more results of our work together. We can’t wait!


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