Can’t Orgasm Vaginally? It’s in Your Anatomy, My Dear

A study just came out in the journal Clinical Anatomy. The study reviewed the scientific literature regarding male and female anatomy with regard to sexual performance. While no new stones were unturned, the study has perhaps confirmed a few things we already suspected.

Most of us (gasp!) don’t orgasm with vaginal penetration alone, even though we may have tried mightily, maybe wondered what was wrong with us, and maybe pulled off a few (or more than a few) fakes. Something like 70 percent of us rarely orgasm with penetration alone and 10 percent of us don’t orgasm at all. Most of us need a little additional help in the form of clitoral stimulation.

However, this new study does add some anatomical clarity to what we’ve suspected all along. Turns out, the distance between our urinary opening and the clitoris is the critical anatomical feature determining whether we orgasm easily—or at all. And that feature, like our eye or hair color, was determined in utero, before we were born.

The critical number for orgasm with penetration is 2.5 centimeters—that distance still allows the clitoris to be stimulated by vaginal penetration. If the clitoris is farther from the urethra than that, orgasm without additional stimulation is difficult or impossible.

“It's so strong a correlation that if you give us a woman who has a distance of 3 centimeters, we can very reliably predict she won't have orgasm with intercourse,” said Elisabeth Lloyd, an affiliated faculty scholar with the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington in this article.

(You and your partner can do the measurement yourselves to figure out how to finesse your style.)

So all that performance anxiety—and maybe those faked orgasms—had nothing to do with your sexual skill or appetite and everything to do with your anatomy.  Which is something you can’t change, but you can work with.

Bottom line for women—for all women the clitoris is the critical organ when it comes to orgasm. The closer it is anatomically to the vaginal action, the more likely you’ll orgasm. If it’s farther away, you may want to switch up your moves.

You can't change your anatomy, but you can work with it.The best sexual positions to stimulate that little hot button are the good old missionary and the “cowgirl” with you on top. Maybe you’ve already discovered that some positions, notable the “doggy” style (rear entry) doesn’t work so well because it tends to stimulate the rear wall of the vagina and leaves the action far from the clitoris. If you can grind a little on his bones, you’re nicely positioned for direct stimulation. Either you or your partner can also include a little extra hand, mouth, or sex toy action if necessary—or nice.

So—get nicely lubed; don’t neglect the languorous foreplay; and practice positions that strategically stimulate the clitoris. And drop the worry about that elusive vaginal orgasm-with-penetration. There might not be such a thing. “To put this banner of healthiness [about] having orgasm with intercourse kind of stacks the deck against these women who, because of their anatomy, cannot have orgasm with intercourse,” Lloyd said.

 

 


Dr. Barb DePree
Dr. Barb DePree

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8 Responses

Jay
Jay

October 23, 2019

I can assure you that there is no correlation to the urethra and clit. The article claims that 70% rarely orgasm on penetration alone and 10% not at all. There is no possible way to derive a correlation based on that high of a failure rate.

With that said, from my experience, women orgasm from whatever method they are most comfortable and familiar with. It is very much mental with women and there is nothing wrong with a woman that likes her clit stimulated before, during or after sex.

I love to masturbate but if I’m in a relationship, it makes it more difficult for my partner to get me off. I get used to using my hand and doing things my way. It’s not fair to my partner to expect her to replicate what I do alone and honestly, I prefer to experiment and try together.

I can assure you that just about every single one of you can get off virginally, but if you prefer clit stimulation, that’s fine by me. Just don’t fake. It’s not satisfying to anyone. Most gentleman will gladly service your clit before, during, or after sex. Going down afterwards and sharing can be very hot.

Good luck and just my 2 cents

Jay
Jay

October 21, 2019

I can assure you that there is no correlation to the urethra and clit. The article claims that 70% rarely orgasm on penetration alone and 10% not at all. There is no possible way to derive a correlation based on that high of a failure rate.

With that said, from my experience, women orgasm from whatever method they are most comfortable and familiar with. It is very much mental with women and there is nothing wrong with a woman that likes her clit stimulated before, during or after sex.

I love to masturbate but if I’m in a relationship, it makes it more difficult for my partner to get me off. I get used to using my hand and doing things my way. It’s not fair to my partner to expect her to replicate what I do alone and honestly, I prefer to experiment and try together.

I can assure you that just about every single one of you can get off virginally, but if you prefer clit stimulation, that’s fine by me. Just don’t fake. It’s not satisfying to anyone. Most gentleman will gladly service your clit before, during, or after sex. Going down afterwards and sharing can be very hot.

Good luck and just my 2 cents

Sally G
Sally G

October 21, 2019

Omg I’ve been looking for a thread like this among women who also share my issue below! I too feel broken down there. I have always enjoyed the act of sex thru out my 20s without having to cum…but now in my 30s, and married…I feel empty and broken because I can’t cum vaginally thru penetration w/ my husband. Only w/ clitoral stimulation and without penetration. Like it throws me off if I’m getting penetrated while trying to stimulate my clit. So my husband has to either stimulate my breast , kiss me, or whatever else while I do my thing. He doesn’t complain but deep inside me I feel so broken about it :( I hope to find others who can relate to me in some way.

Sylvie
Sylvie

October 07, 2019

I didn’t have my first vaginal orgasm until I was 28. I realized I can control it with my mind. Since then I can almost always have a vaginal orgasm with every boyfriend I have had regardless of their size.

Dr Barb
Dr Barb

May 28, 2019

Kimberly, we strongly endorse talking about our sexual health with partners. You have a long history together, and can find ways to improve your mutual enjoyment. We know that this type of conversation can be very difficult, and have found that counseling can be helpful. Here are some resources from our site: https://middlesexmd.com/blogs/drbarb/46952899-couples-therapy-for-older-beginners and https://middlesexmd.com/pages/talk-about-sex

Kimberly
Kimberly

May 28, 2019

I’ve been married for going on 29 years and have always faked it. I dont know how to tell my husband that it doesn’t work for me? I can use a massager to get myself off but now after a hysterectomy can’t even do that? I’m not that old, was 14 when I got married.

SomeGirlInHer20s
SomeGirlInHer20s

March 18, 2019

We need more articles like this. For most of my life I have been confused as to why I don’t seem to “come” or orgasm during sex. But, I can get off with clit stimulation by the methods mentioned above. I’m sick of guys constantly asking if I “came” and trying to make it some kind of challenge to make it happen. They just don’t believe me when I say I can’t “come” from vaginal sex and they tend to take it personally. Which in turns puts pressure on me and makes it harder to enjoy myself. So mostly, I just fake it so they’ll get off my back. Even with finger stimulation (vaginal) I can’t seem to get there. It just feels annoying and uncomfortable to me… Maybe I am broken. Leaves me feeling very dejected and bad about myself. Even when I tell my girlfriends I get looks of disbelief so I don’t really know who to talk to about this “problem”. If I’m being honest it doesn’t actually feel like a problem to me. I enjoy the act it self and and emotional closeness. The actual act itself IS pleasurable and I feel perfectly satisfied with not getting off that way. I just wish more guys understood that.

Lisa
Lisa

February 28, 2019

Thanks for the honest talk. I think women have so faked vaginal orgasms there is a huge misunderstanding of them. Men think all they have to do is stick their penis in the vagina and poof. Tell the truth ladies. How will you ever have one if you keep faking. Let’s be honest for a change.

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