arrow-right cart chevron-down chevron-left chevron-right chevron-up close menu minus play plus search share user email pinterest facebook instagram snapchat tumblr twitter vimeo youtube subscribe dogecoin dwolla forbrugsforeningen litecoin amazon_payments american_express bitcoin cirrus discover fancy interac jcb master paypal stripe visa diners_club dankort maestro trash

Shopping Cart


Your Partner and Premature Ejaculation

Your Partner and Premature Ejaculation

by Dr. Barb DePree MD

Satisfaction depends upon the health of both partnersSexual satisfaction has many components, involving the emotional and physical health of both partners. Premature ejaculation is a common condition that can frustrate both, and can be difficult to talk about. Women who’ve had relatively few partners may not recognize premature ejaculation, and men sometimes respond to our cultural cues by pretending it hasn’t happened. So when Dr. Zvi Zuckerman MD offered to contribute an article on the topic, I accepted! (And I do note that couples who can talk about changes in their sex lives are well-equipped to navigate menopause.)

Premature ejaculation can have both physical and emotional ramifications for partners, as well as on men experiencing it. Women dealing with a partner’s premature ejaculation typically report reduced sexual satisfaction, loss of desire and orgasms, and an increase in both distress and interpersonal difficulties.

The abrupt end to sexual intercourse that accompanies premature ejaculation can result in a woman’s inability to climax, even from clitoral stimulation. Especially when not recognized and talked about, this can lead to resentment and anger, and even the refusal to engage in intimate relations.

So what exactly is premature ejaculation?  According to the medical definition, premature ejaculation is ejaculation that always or almost always occurs within one minute of vaginal penetration; it’s also the inability to delay ejaculation in all or nearly all vaginal penetrations. But these days more and more sex therapists describe premature ejaculation as ejaculation that occurs before the male wants it to occur. According to an extensive review published in the International Journal of Impotence Research: the Journal of Sexual Medicine, about 30 percent of men worldwide suffer from premature ejaculation.

If you are considering asking your partner to treat his premature ejaculation (PE), it is important that you understand the reasons underlying it and the importance of your role in the treatment.

Premature ejaculation is not a choice. It is important to know that PE is not dependent on your partner’s willingness; he most likely is interested in satisfying you and making you feel good. It is most likely that your partner truly wants to control his ejaculation, enjoy sex, and pleasure you but it just doesn’t happen. It is neither his fault nor yours. The inability to control the ejaculation reflex is a common problem among men. Why does it happen? The commonly accepted explanation is a connection between PE and the level of serotonin in the brain. If this level is too low (and, unfortunately, there is currently no way to measure this level in the brain), it might lead to this symptom. Your partner simply has no control over it. Given cultural norms, he’s probably insecure about it; talking about it at all can be perceived as criticism, which makes it a tough problem to solve.

PE can be resolved through practice. There is a treatment for premature ejaculation with a success rate of up to 90 percent. The treatment includes masturbation and full-penetration exercises for maintaining control over the ejaculation reflex. The results are long term and do not require the use of medication or chemicals. The treatment can be obtained in up to 12 clinical sessions with a sex therapist, or alternatively, at home with an online program that we have developed – the PE Program. The treatment will change your sexual relations: the erotic touch will become natural. His anxiety about PE will be a thing of the past and both of you will be able to give and take pleasure in your renewed sexual relationship. 

The treatment is important to your partner’s self-esteem, your sexual relations and your relationship as a whole. Research shows that women in relationships with men who suffer from PE experience less sexual satisfaction. As important, the man’s anxiety can lead to the loss of intimacy and, especially if unexplained, stress in the relationship. Within up to three months of consistent practice of the exercises mentioned above, you can overcome this problem. The satisfaction that you will feel will improve not only your sex life but also the relationship itself, leading to greater intimacy and increasing your man’s self-esteem.

Talking about sex equips couples to navigate menopause.Be caring, supporting and loving toward your partner. You will benefit from the treatment by caring for your man, showing patience and openness, and being genuine in placing the aim of the treatment as your goal. If you are caring, loving and supportive toward your partner during the exercises, you increase your partner’s success in overcoming the problem. PE can cause men anxiety, frustration, and embarrassment in sexual encounters. As a supporting and loving anchor, you can help your partner to reclaim your love life together. Show understanding toward him; addressing PE requires that he make himself vulnerable. Avoid criticism and negative comments; encourage him and show empathy. He can gain better control over the ejaculation reflex, and make intimacy more satisfying for both of you.



  • Some questions and comments

    1. You wrote: “The treatment can be obtained in up to 12 clinical sessions with a sex therapist, or alternatively, at home with an online program”
    Clinical sessions with a sex therapist? I’ve never heard of a sex therapist who does anything but talk sessions. I understand a sex therapist might recommend such sessions with a sex surrogate, or for a couple to do them at home.

    2. I can understand that some couples in midlife want to have intercourse, and as a man I certainly appreciate your emphasis on intercourse. But it’s my impression from other articles on this website that intercourse is often off the menu anyway in midlife and later for many reasons described here. Furthermore, women don’t generally orgasm from intercourse, and certainly don’t need it to reach orgasm, so I fail to see the importance of intercourse from a woman’s point of view, especially for women who are menopausal and can no longer get pregnant. Or at least, I don’t see that it should matter to them in most cases that the intercourse doesn’t last long because they can’t expect an orgasm that way anyway.

    3. Don’t know if it’s helpful to anyone with PE, but I’ve always had perfect control of when I reached orgasm and ejaculation, especially when I have any control over the stimulation. I attribute that to my love of what I later came to know is called “edging” — being on the brink of orgasm for as long as I have time for, which also tends to make the orgasms almost pass-out mindblowing experiences, even now in my late 60’s. All I can say is that I know exactly how close I am to orgasm at any moment, which allows me to control my stimulation and fantasies “just right” to keep right on the edge. indefinitely. Not that my wife ever really appreciated it, though she has accommodated what she likely thought was me being in a sexual meditative state that seemed more like a bore and a chore for her if it went too long.

    Gary on

  • It’s my personal opinion that men who have enjoyed “edge play” their whole lives are likely to have never suffered from premature ejaculation. The whole point of edge play is to sense exactly how close you are to orgasm, and hold yourself right on the edge of the cliff for as long as you’d like. The intensity of being on that edge can be almost as intense as the orgasm itself, but it can last indefinitely!

    It makes sense to me when I hear the theory that men who have PE learned it by feeling they needed to masturbate quickly so as not to be caught. Fortunately, I never felt the need for that!

    Gary on

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published