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How to Be Heard, Even During Tough Talks

July 30, 2015

Almost as soon as we posted the piece on how to bring up difficult topics, a reader asked “But how do I get my husband to listen?” It’s an excellent question, and we put it to our friend Ann McKnight, a social worker and psychotherapist. Her answer might surprise you. If you feel like you’re not being heard, you might want to look at yourself first. “You have to ask yourself, ‘Is this really about me getting my way?’ If it is, you’re virtually guaranteed the conversation won’t go anywhere,” she says. “Most of the time, we engender defensiveness in the other person because of the way we say things.” That defensiveness shuts down the opportunity for real communication, and...

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