Getting Your Groove Back: Before Foreplay

One of the very first blog posts I published, even before MiddlesexMD was launched, was about receiving a bouquet from a patient. She and I had talked about her options for managing changes in her sexual response, and I’d recommended a device that turned out to make the difference for her.

The flowers were an affirmation from her that she’d gotten her groove back, and I was delighted.

What I’d recommended was a device for “vacuum therapy.” It doesn’t sound very sexy, but it works for two reasons:

First, it works on the brain. Signaling to yourself that you intend to have sex becomes increasingly important as you have less of the hormone stew that supported spontaneous sex in years past. All that talk about “mindfulness” and “marking your calendar”? It’s because intention is a critical part of sexuality for midlife women.

And second, it works on the body. Less circulation results from less estrogen. More circulation is part of our sexual arousal and response. Gentle suction increases circulation to the clitoris. Stimulating blood flow and encouraging vaginal lubrication both prepare us for intimacy and make the experience more enjoyable.

I was thrilled to see, at a medical conference last summer, a new tool for women who want to keep the intimacy alive in their relationships. While previous options have looked a lot like medical equipment, the Fiera Arouser is designed to be an intimate aid. It’s discreet and sleek. It combines gentle suction and vibration patterns. And it’s been tested in clinical trials, which documented the “engorgement” that triggers arousal.

How’s it used? The designers of the product call it “before-play,” and it’s where the effects on the brain come in. It’s used in advance of a sexual encounter to increase both your arousal and your responsiveness—which means a more pleasurable experience for you (which means a more pleasurable experience for your partner!). You tuck the Fiera into place, over the clitoris and under the labia, and your hands are free for… other things. Five to fifteen minutes is recommended.

Although it vibrates, the Fiera is not a vibrator. You may still want one of those, too, for increased sensation to experience orgasm. If you’re finding you don’t get to that point as often as you’d like these days, you might find the Fiera Arouser—and the intention to put it to use—to be helpful.

When I saw this product at that medical conference, it wasn’t yet in production. I asked my team to nag—I mean, follow up—with the manufacturer so we could add it to our shop just as soon as it was available. We’re delighted that it’s now in stock, and that we’re partnering with the manufacturer to make it available for women to experience!

Let us know how it works for you!

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